Man I am stressed today:
Like always I am freaking out about money, worrying I'm spending my money on the wrong things, seeing how I can get out of stuff or pay things off quicker, and inevitably always falling short. My new bank account is wigging me out because it is not showing all the money I deposited and telling me I have LESS then what I should= not cool. My old bank account is solid and I love it but the bank locations are too far away so I want more convience. If I can't figure out the new account then I'm just going to deal with the 30 min one way drive whenever I have to deposit a check. Lets not even think of student loans.... they are like the looming blackness that always hangs on the horizon.
Then, I'm freaking out about my weight. I have been working out, looking and feeling good, and then I hit the scale and BAM! I weigh 10 lbs heavier then I had before and quite frankly heavier then I normally EVER weigh. All my efforts the last three months have gained me only 1 lb of muscle weight and 9lbs of fat according to the magic gym scale. So I ask myself, what the hell is that about! Thats when I got suckered into a personal trainer. Granted, I have wanted a personal trainer for a long time now, but I am still not sure its goning to be worth it. All I know is that Christmas is coming and I seem to be spending a lot on random shit for myslef, aka Dance, Personal training, healthy food.... you would think this is all great stuff, but not when you constantly look at your bank account and freak out. I really need a grip and to simply be satisfied with myself and who and what I am. I am a curvy woman, looking good and staying healthy no matter what all the stupid charts say, I need to just accept that. After this personal training stuff is over, I need to continue my fitness regime and simply STOP freaking out. I am sexy.
Next is really nothing too serious but I think its in the back of my mind. I really like my relationship with MD a lot and we get along really well, but I think in the back of my head I am still absolutely terrified that its all wrong that its not going to work that he's going to mess up one day or I will and it will all end. I'm scared shitless always and its really a stressful matter even though its not a stressful situation at all. He's been great, we've been great together, I am good to him and he is good to me, its everthing I always thought a relationship could be, so why am I scared still? I suppose its human nature.
Oh and my period is coming: probably tomorrow or the next day. So that is the root of all these stresses but man, I'm freaking out today!
