Despite my many attempts to leave India, his magnetic pull seems to constantly pull me back in. Apparently, I have the same effect on him as well. But now, just when we seem to be able to have an understanding of how much we talk, when we see each other, and in what capacity- as lovers nothing more- everything seems to change again. The last time we were together, we made love, not just a shear romp or fantacy fulfillment, actual love making. It was the first time in 10 months. Where did it come from? This event came on the same day that I needed to tell him that I may not be able to see him in this capacity any more, that I have found someone new who actaully likes me and wants to be with me and that I am trying to decide whether to pursue it or not. He's always surprises me when I least expect it, that bastard. This is probably one reason why I love him.
Our relationship makes no sense. It is a series of internal battles on either side of the field. Occassionally, these internal struggles are taken out on each other, but for that most part we are doing it to ourselves. He believed we can never be together do to our difference in race and religion. Valid points, absolutely. Yet the polar ends still attract and pull us together time and time again.
On the verge now of a new relationship with someone who will outwardly and with out restraint just love me, it is time for me to put my interactions with Inida on hold. I say on hold because I can ultimately see us finding each other again one day in our lives. Him in and of himself is my tangible idea of man. When I look at him, he is my David, my statue of manhood. I don't think I'll ever find another one like him... but maybe. Nonetheless, I know I need more than a statue, more than a tangible fantacy, more than a lover. I need someone who can love me and I know in this juncture of my life, that person is not India. Its bitter sweet but an experience I wouldn't change for the world.
Sometimes, ladies and gents, we need pure love not just a lover.
