I just returned home from a nice night out in Baltimore with Best Friend. If you haven't noticed, I have a nick name for everyone :)
Best Friend is a boy from work that I have developed a great friendship with. This is probably possible because we have an amazing sexual tension that is just enough to make you wonder if he likes you and just enough to wonder if you want to pounce him... I still don't know.
We went and saw "Invictus." At the beginning it had a few scenes that were just too long. But the overall storyline was phenomenal and once it got into the World Cup, it was great! I definitely suggest seeing it.
Movie etiquette is always tricky, especially with a guy that you are questionable about. But if this guy is interested, he has to make the first move. I played my cool, made lighthearted conversation, didn't put my hand out there or my body too close. Overall, I left him guessing. And he did the same to me, that bum! :) Best Friend has really been a fantastic person to me, so I am quite fine with him not coming on to me. Platonic boy-girl friendships are hard to come by in this day and age, but it is refreshing to have someone of the opposite sex to just go hang out with. I enjoyed my non-date date night :)
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
And so it ends
Well today was the day for the "I squared Saga" to end. That's what I called India and I because he is Indian and I am Italian. Adorable, I know...
This morning at work, I went to his desk to let him know two things:
1) That today happens to be my half birthday!!!! (Happy Half Birthday to me :) and 2) That I would not be able to make lunch today due to a presentation I had to give (which went fantastically, by the way).
Then I asked what he was doing tonight. He told me he already made plans with his other work friend to play video games, all night. At that point, I simply had it. I stated that he was replacing me with this work friend of his and that I just didn't appreciate it anymore. He stated that he had written me an email yesterday that he was intending on sending me explaining his recent neglect and general lack of enthusiasm for our relationship. At that moment, I told him to his face that I think we are better as friends and that how he was treating me was breaking my heart. I told him to send me the email and that I would respond. It was a mutual understanding really and we both finally were at a state where we could let it go.
The email:
Basically he explained that he felt as though he was lying to his family, friends, and me by hiding "whatever it is between us." He said it wasn't fair to me that he has been treating me in a neglectful way and that by being friends, he promised he would treat me much better. He stated that he has been avoiding me and so upset lately because he has felt so guilty about the way he has been treating me. Overall, he was appologetic for the way his acted and intends to be better towards me, but in a freind aspect. I am fine with this conclusion. It makes me feel better knowing that we will be friends. At this point, thats what I wanted as well. I couldn't take being treated badly anymore and that is what I explained to him in my email response. Funny enough, India taught me two things:
1) The first time we dated, India taught me how a man should treat a woman. How to accept compliments, gifts, and invites to places. How to not call him and have him call you. In short, he taught me a little bit about being a strong, confident woman. For that, I will always be thankful.
2) The second time we "had something between us," (in my opinion, the second time we dated---the way I viewed the relationship and the way he viewed it was one of the main causes for the split), he taught me how I shouldn't be treated. He reminded me so much of all that I put up with in the relationship with The Ex. He showed me how neglectful, confusing, and lazy a man could be in a relationship. He essentially pissed me off, but still taught me how a woman should act. He reminded me that I should always stand up for myself, not let a guy get away with being a bum, and to decide for once, "I don't need this."
Amazing that the two extremes could come from one man but two completely different relationships. I am happy now though. I can walk away from this learning a lot, knowing that I was a good person to him, and knowing what I want from a man. I look forward to our friendship and I'm glad we are finally on the same page.
This morning at work, I went to his desk to let him know two things:
1) That today happens to be my half birthday!!!! (Happy Half Birthday to me :) and 2) That I would not be able to make lunch today due to a presentation I had to give (which went fantastically, by the way).
Then I asked what he was doing tonight. He told me he already made plans with his other work friend to play video games, all night. At that point, I simply had it. I stated that he was replacing me with this work friend of his and that I just didn't appreciate it anymore. He stated that he had written me an email yesterday that he was intending on sending me explaining his recent neglect and general lack of enthusiasm for our relationship. At that moment, I told him to his face that I think we are better as friends and that how he was treating me was breaking my heart. I told him to send me the email and that I would respond. It was a mutual understanding really and we both finally were at a state where we could let it go.
The email:
Basically he explained that he felt as though he was lying to his family, friends, and me by hiding "whatever it is between us." He said it wasn't fair to me that he has been treating me in a neglectful way and that by being friends, he promised he would treat me much better. He stated that he has been avoiding me and so upset lately because he has felt so guilty about the way he has been treating me. Overall, he was appologetic for the way his acted and intends to be better towards me, but in a freind aspect. I am fine with this conclusion. It makes me feel better knowing that we will be friends. At this point, thats what I wanted as well. I couldn't take being treated badly anymore and that is what I explained to him in my email response. Funny enough, India taught me two things:
1) The first time we dated, India taught me how a man should treat a woman. How to accept compliments, gifts, and invites to places. How to not call him and have him call you. In short, he taught me a little bit about being a strong, confident woman. For that, I will always be thankful.
2) The second time we "had something between us," (in my opinion, the second time we dated---the way I viewed the relationship and the way he viewed it was one of the main causes for the split), he taught me how I shouldn't be treated. He reminded me so much of all that I put up with in the relationship with The Ex. He showed me how neglectful, confusing, and lazy a man could be in a relationship. He essentially pissed me off, but still taught me how a woman should act. He reminded me that I should always stand up for myself, not let a guy get away with being a bum, and to decide for once, "I don't need this."
Amazing that the two extremes could come from one man but two completely different relationships. I am happy now though. I can walk away from this learning a lot, knowing that I was a good person to him, and knowing what I want from a man. I look forward to our friendship and I'm glad we are finally on the same page.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
An Office Space Kind of Day
Bundled up and practically running through the chilled air, I started my day slightly freezing and a little on the sleepy side. Once I got to work and the caffeine kicked in, the day began to be very productive.
One of my girl friends had mentioned to me that a guy she knew just started yesterday in our office. I had met him once before and, according to my friend, he had thought I was a cutie. So I emailed him, like an friendly person would, and naturally he responded back. Through a string of email chats, it become apparent that he also had a deep seeded love for my favorite band, Incubus. As a typical boy would do, he decided to challenge my knowledge on the band. And let the games begin! I, like any slightly competitive person, took this attack of my knowledge as a direct invitation to not only assert my intellect, musical knowledge, and of course, show him who's boss. :) This banter back and forth kept me entertained for most of the day and put me in a rather good mood. But that was not all that happened...
I got a stapler today!!! Let my esplain :) In my office, there are two secretaries that sit behind me. One is a quite nice woman that keeps to herself and is always friendly. The other is a loud mouth, smoking, quintessential Baltimore resident. With her rough voice and attitude, she some how became the guardian of the office supplies. I call her my little troll because she acts and slightly looks like one. Well typically, she gives everyone and their brother a hard time when ever they ask for the smallest of office supplies. But today, I managed to get a stapler of my very own without attitude or the evil troll eye... I feel empowered now with my stapler! This was indeed a good day!
One of my girl friends had mentioned to me that a guy she knew just started yesterday in our office. I had met him once before and, according to my friend, he had thought I was a cutie. So I emailed him, like an friendly person would, and naturally he responded back. Through a string of email chats, it become apparent that he also had a deep seeded love for my favorite band, Incubus. As a typical boy would do, he decided to challenge my knowledge on the band. And let the games begin! I, like any slightly competitive person, took this attack of my knowledge as a direct invitation to not only assert my intellect, musical knowledge, and of course, show him who's boss. :) This banter back and forth kept me entertained for most of the day and put me in a rather good mood. But that was not all that happened...
I got a stapler today!!! Let my esplain :) In my office, there are two secretaries that sit behind me. One is a quite nice woman that keeps to herself and is always friendly. The other is a loud mouth, smoking, quintessential Baltimore resident. With her rough voice and attitude, she some how became the guardian of the office supplies. I call her my little troll because she acts and slightly looks like one. Well typically, she gives everyone and their brother a hard time when ever they ask for the smallest of office supplies. But today, I managed to get a stapler of my very own without attitude or the evil troll eye... I feel empowered now with my stapler! This was indeed a good day!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Third times not always the charm
The day before I left for Christmas, Mr. India decided to push back into my life for the third time. After his bold exclamation that he was not being fair to me and my two days of depressed detox, I finally began to accept the fact that we were over and that I would be better off. Then low and behold, he asks me for a favor. I gave him attitude and tried to resist being a good person and his unbearable guilt trip for once. That failed miserably, hes way too good at the guilt trip thing. So I lent him a parking pass that was located in my hotel room... shocker as to what happened next. He drives me crazy by thinking he can just bull doze in and out of my life and heart. And naive little me thought that the third time he returned to me would be different then the last two... Once again, that was a horrible mistake.
Its funny that as I write this article, I am actually watching “He’s Just Not That Into You.” I think the Big Man is giving me one more sign to help me along with my decisions in this relationship. And the line just went by that if a guy generally treats you like that he doesn’t care, he doesn’t care. And this is the case in point that I am in. Indian, he doesn’t call any more, he is extremely lazy when it comes to doing anything, and all of last week he made me come to see him. As I sit here pondering our relationship, do you know what he is doing? Playing video games and watching football with his friend. Last week when his friend wasn't available, he was playing video games and watching football with me. Oh how the mighty crumble or just need a good stiff kick in the ass before they realize the nonsense in their own stubbornness. They thing that blows my mind is that he agrees to be and wants to be exclusive with me, yet he won’t say we are dating or together. This guy confuses me, drives me crazy, and gets me excited all at the same time but in the end he’s just not that into me and quite frankly, its making me be not into him at all. Therefore, I've decided that I am ending things.
I am tired of men treating me like shit and quite frankly it’s my own fault for letting them. Growing up, I, like every woman, dealt with insecurity and the fear of being alone. My brother and I are so close in age that I grew up with a male companion all my life. I used this fact as an excuse for my own fear of standing on my own two feet. But through my experience with The Ex and now with this recent relationship, I have finally realized what I am looking for in a guy and what I am not willing to put up with. When it comes down to it I want to be with a guy that wants to be with me: not when its convenient for him, not when he is horny, not when I complain enough that he feels bad. And if he can’t know that he wants to be with me or show me that he wants to be with me, then he’s not worth my time nor does he deserve me. Every woman should respect herself enough to walk away from a guy who just doesn’t treat her right or make her happy. Listen to your instincts girls because they do speak the truth or at least act as a warning sign.
I'll keep you updated on my mission to be well a Diva. Its about time I listen to my own advice.
Its funny that as I write this article, I am actually watching “He’s Just Not That Into You.” I think the Big Man is giving me one more sign to help me along with my decisions in this relationship. And the line just went by that if a guy generally treats you like that he doesn’t care, he doesn’t care. And this is the case in point that I am in. Indian, he doesn’t call any more, he is extremely lazy when it comes to doing anything, and all of last week he made me come to see him. As I sit here pondering our relationship, do you know what he is doing? Playing video games and watching football with his friend. Last week when his friend wasn't available, he was playing video games and watching football with me. Oh how the mighty crumble or just need a good stiff kick in the ass before they realize the nonsense in their own stubbornness. They thing that blows my mind is that he agrees to be and wants to be exclusive with me, yet he won’t say we are dating or together. This guy confuses me, drives me crazy, and gets me excited all at the same time but in the end he’s just not that into me and quite frankly, its making me be not into him at all. Therefore, I've decided that I am ending things.
I am tired of men treating me like shit and quite frankly it’s my own fault for letting them. Growing up, I, like every woman, dealt with insecurity and the fear of being alone. My brother and I are so close in age that I grew up with a male companion all my life. I used this fact as an excuse for my own fear of standing on my own two feet. But through my experience with The Ex and now with this recent relationship, I have finally realized what I am looking for in a guy and what I am not willing to put up with. When it comes down to it I want to be with a guy that wants to be with me: not when its convenient for him, not when he is horny, not when I complain enough that he feels bad. And if he can’t know that he wants to be with me or show me that he wants to be with me, then he’s not worth my time nor does he deserve me. Every woman should respect herself enough to walk away from a guy who just doesn’t treat her right or make her happy. Listen to your instincts girls because they do speak the truth or at least act as a warning sign.
I'll keep you updated on my mission to be well a Diva. Its about time I listen to my own advice.
Happy Holidays!!
Since I have been horrible at writing in between this busy week, I plan to write two articles today. My first will be a recap of my divalicious holiday season and the second an update on my on again off again love life.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS everyone! I hope that you all had a wonderful time with family and friends. For Christmas, I traveled all over the East Coast to see my family. It was quite enjoyable spending time with the family receiving presents and giving presents to all. The holiday festivities were going wonderful until my friends lost my other friend's 21 year old brother on his birthday in New York City. Awesome times really... searching a 10 block radius in heals and the cold while nursing a drunken stupor and baby sitting my crying friend for several hours wasn't quite how I thought I would end the Christmas weekend. 7 hours later, he sauntered into the hotel lobby still a little drunk and exhausted. His mother was quite relived and his father a little pissed but happy nonetheless. Me, extremely thankful but ready for a nice soft mattress.
Returning to Baltimore for two days was a minor break in festivities. Then off again to New Jersey for New Years! This year I decided to spend time with my family. I figured that I could spend my New years partying with friends, like any other weekend or with my family, who I haven't seen for a while. It was also great to be around the ones I love rather than in a room full of drunken lust filled people with no one to kiss other than some guy that has been dry humping me for an hour and really isn't that dreamy. Family over not so dreamy... I'll take that any day of the week.
In the end, it was a great holiday filled with adventures, family, and way way too much food.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS everyone! I hope that you all had a wonderful time with family and friends. For Christmas, I traveled all over the East Coast to see my family. It was quite enjoyable spending time with the family receiving presents and giving presents to all. The holiday festivities were going wonderful until my friends lost my other friend's 21 year old brother on his birthday in New York City. Awesome times really... searching a 10 block radius in heals and the cold while nursing a drunken stupor and baby sitting my crying friend for several hours wasn't quite how I thought I would end the Christmas weekend. 7 hours later, he sauntered into the hotel lobby still a little drunk and exhausted. His mother was quite relived and his father a little pissed but happy nonetheless. Me, extremely thankful but ready for a nice soft mattress.
Returning to Baltimore for two days was a minor break in festivities. Then off again to New Jersey for New Years! This year I decided to spend time with my family. I figured that I could spend my New years partying with friends, like any other weekend or with my family, who I haven't seen for a while. It was also great to be around the ones I love rather than in a room full of drunken lust filled people with no one to kiss other than some guy that has been dry humping me for an hour and really isn't that dreamy. Family over not so dreamy... I'll take that any day of the week.
In the end, it was a great holiday filled with adventures, family, and way way too much food.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Stiff Drink
I came home from work today and poured myself a stiff drink... I guess I'm not handling this whole "break" thing that well...
Sometimes in your life, you find rare friends. These are the kind that you can randomly text or call and they act like you've been hanging out with them every day of their lives even though they live on the opposite coast. They are the kind that will randomly text or call you to say a funny comment, ask some heartfelt advice, or just to say hi. They are the kind of friend that will drive to Baltimore from DC just to keep you from being sad for an evening. These are true friends.
Though I believe in being a strong, independent, fiery woman (by the way, when you say fiery, put an African American southern twang to the word, it makes it so much better :), even I, a Diva, can have a bad day. When these days occur, random that they are, it is so refreshing to know that I have some great friends that will be there for me. Part of being a good Diva, is being a great friend. Friends are the people that build you up when you fall flat on your face, the ones that you can help out and feel good about it, the ones that appreciate you the same way you appreciate them. If behind every strong man, there is a stronger woman, then behind every strong woman, there are some kick ass friends.
Here's a toast! Raise those stiff drinks and toast to your true friends; they are the ones that keep you believing in people even when you are hurt time and time again by them.
Thanks guys :)
Sometimes in your life, you find rare friends. These are the kind that you can randomly text or call and they act like you've been hanging out with them every day of their lives even though they live on the opposite coast. They are the kind that will randomly text or call you to say a funny comment, ask some heartfelt advice, or just to say hi. They are the kind of friend that will drive to Baltimore from DC just to keep you from being sad for an evening. These are true friends.
Though I believe in being a strong, independent, fiery woman (by the way, when you say fiery, put an African American southern twang to the word, it makes it so much better :), even I, a Diva, can have a bad day. When these days occur, random that they are, it is so refreshing to know that I have some great friends that will be there for me. Part of being a good Diva, is being a great friend. Friends are the people that build you up when you fall flat on your face, the ones that you can help out and feel good about it, the ones that appreciate you the same way you appreciate them. If behind every strong man, there is a stronger woman, then behind every strong woman, there are some kick ass friends.
Here's a toast! Raise those stiff drinks and toast to your true friends; they are the ones that keep you believing in people even when you are hurt time and time again by them.
Thanks guys :)
Monday, December 21, 2009
First thing to go
Why is it when life gets tough for a guy, the woman he is seeing is the first thing to go? I have seen this trend occur several times. My good friend's man strung her along for a year giving her hope that an official title would one day sprout up from their "dating" relationship to only turn around and tell her that he had too much stress from his baby's momma, custody battles, work, and whatever else he got himself into, to be with her further. Its always the same bull, "I really care about you, I just can't handle all this right now and I need some time." Some time! What the fuck do you need time for!? Time to stop being lazy, time to get your act together, time to put up or shut up? Its true when they say women can multitask, where as men struggle with the shear feat of tying their shoes while watching TV. But don't they understand that when a man needs some time, a woman hears, "My life is too stressful right now and you are not that important to me to keep you in it, so give me some space and wait for me to come back."
If I am coming off a bit bitter about this topic, its because I am. Bitter and heartbroken may be a better way of putting it. I've experienced the "Time Talk" with two different guys who to this date have played an important role in my life. If you read my blog, you may have guessed who: The Ex and India. With The Ex, it was always, "I'm too stressed with school, I have too much work"... Wah Wah Wah. I had just as much work and school as he did and I never tried cutting him out of my life. But then his father got dealt a rough hand. On a routine visit to the doctors, they noticed something funny with his prostate. Being an older gentleman, this was a common enlargement of the prostate, but tests for cancer and other such diseases needed to be taken in order to rule out any more serious illnesses. The Ex was a mess. I tried to be there for him, give him his space, and show support. The more or less I did really didn't matter though. The second this scenario started, he started withdrawing into himself. Of course this led to me being neglected, eventually hurt, and many arguments that were me saying, "Let me help," and him saying, "You can't!" This misfortune was the begining of the end for my Ex and I. It seemed that with some people, once they begin to shut down, its hard to get them back up and running. His father was cancer free and after a routine surgery was fine. Broken heart number 1, however, is still trying to heal.
The second time the "Time Talk" has seriously effected me was just last night. While lying in bed after seeing a movie and spending sometime together, India, the guy I have been "casually" seeing here and there out of no where says, "This is not fair to you." After a deep breath and a moment to calm to knot in my chest, I said, "What is not fair?" He then proceeded to tell me that due to one of his friend's conditions in the hospital, he would be talking to her every day, seeing her often, and would do anything she needed of him, and felt that it was not fair to me. His solution, "Give me some time." Before I continue with my reaction, let me back up and tell you the situation. Last week, India found out that the girl that he dated in between the first time him and I dated and now was admitting into the hospital in order to be tested for Leukemia. When he told me, I instantly raced through my mind to make sure that I had never wished bad upon this poor girl, luckily enough, my conscience was clear and still is. The knot in my chest, however, began to form that day. Although he stopped dating that girl and began dating me again, how was I to know his feelings for her and such a tragedy would bring any type of feelings out of a person. I knew that there was an emotional battle to come in his world and I just prayed that he and I would get through it. I told him that night to go visit her in the hospital, bring her flowers, spend some time there, and I prayed for them both. This was Thursday night.
Last night, after explaining to me that he didn't think we should see each other any more, he held me. He wouldn't say one bad thing even after I ranted slightly about the injustice of me having to loose him and how I wanted to be there to support him. And it was in silence, his pained face, and his tightening embrace that I could tell he didn't really want to let me go, but, at the same time, he was asking me to let him go...Any woman that has cared for someone can tell you, it is the hardest thing to be the one to walk out that door when neither one of you want it.
Men, more often than not, want to handle their problems on their own. They internalize so much, that it is hard to see what they are really going through when such a crisis occurs. In both situations, I tried the be the stronger woman behind the strong man, but in both the men have crumbled internally and instead of letting in the least bit of help, simply have cut me out. With India, I feel as though I was being selfish last night by trying to reason with him as to why we should not stop seeing each other. He said today that he didn't want to bring me into all of this sadness and that he didn't want me to have to be with him when he was sad or moody. "Its for you own benefit, trust me," he said. But then why don't I feel benefited? Its a terrible thing, cancer. It effects so many and I am not someone who thinks I have the right to stand in the way of someone's feelings when faced with something so horrible. Despite the fact that I told him to have his time, be with his friend, and take care of himself, I just can't seem to shake the fact that I was still the first thing to go.
If I am coming off a bit bitter about this topic, its because I am. Bitter and heartbroken may be a better way of putting it. I've experienced the "Time Talk" with two different guys who to this date have played an important role in my life. If you read my blog, you may have guessed who: The Ex and India. With The Ex, it was always, "I'm too stressed with school, I have too much work"... Wah Wah Wah. I had just as much work and school as he did and I never tried cutting him out of my life. But then his father got dealt a rough hand. On a routine visit to the doctors, they noticed something funny with his prostate. Being an older gentleman, this was a common enlargement of the prostate, but tests for cancer and other such diseases needed to be taken in order to rule out any more serious illnesses. The Ex was a mess. I tried to be there for him, give him his space, and show support. The more or less I did really didn't matter though. The second this scenario started, he started withdrawing into himself. Of course this led to me being neglected, eventually hurt, and many arguments that were me saying, "Let me help," and him saying, "You can't!" This misfortune was the begining of the end for my Ex and I. It seemed that with some people, once they begin to shut down, its hard to get them back up and running. His father was cancer free and after a routine surgery was fine. Broken heart number 1, however, is still trying to heal.
The second time the "Time Talk" has seriously effected me was just last night. While lying in bed after seeing a movie and spending sometime together, India, the guy I have been "casually" seeing here and there out of no where says, "This is not fair to you." After a deep breath and a moment to calm to knot in my chest, I said, "What is not fair?" He then proceeded to tell me that due to one of his friend's conditions in the hospital, he would be talking to her every day, seeing her often, and would do anything she needed of him, and felt that it was not fair to me. His solution, "Give me some time." Before I continue with my reaction, let me back up and tell you the situation. Last week, India found out that the girl that he dated in between the first time him and I dated and now was admitting into the hospital in order to be tested for Leukemia. When he told me, I instantly raced through my mind to make sure that I had never wished bad upon this poor girl, luckily enough, my conscience was clear and still is. The knot in my chest, however, began to form that day. Although he stopped dating that girl and began dating me again, how was I to know his feelings for her and such a tragedy would bring any type of feelings out of a person. I knew that there was an emotional battle to come in his world and I just prayed that he and I would get through it. I told him that night to go visit her in the hospital, bring her flowers, spend some time there, and I prayed for them both. This was Thursday night.
Last night, after explaining to me that he didn't think we should see each other any more, he held me. He wouldn't say one bad thing even after I ranted slightly about the injustice of me having to loose him and how I wanted to be there to support him. And it was in silence, his pained face, and his tightening embrace that I could tell he didn't really want to let me go, but, at the same time, he was asking me to let him go...Any woman that has cared for someone can tell you, it is the hardest thing to be the one to walk out that door when neither one of you want it.
Men, more often than not, want to handle their problems on their own. They internalize so much, that it is hard to see what they are really going through when such a crisis occurs. In both situations, I tried the be the stronger woman behind the strong man, but in both the men have crumbled internally and instead of letting in the least bit of help, simply have cut me out. With India, I feel as though I was being selfish last night by trying to reason with him as to why we should not stop seeing each other. He said today that he didn't want to bring me into all of this sadness and that he didn't want me to have to be with him when he was sad or moody. "Its for you own benefit, trust me," he said. But then why don't I feel benefited? Its a terrible thing, cancer. It effects so many and I am not someone who thinks I have the right to stand in the way of someone's feelings when faced with something so horrible. Despite the fact that I told him to have his time, be with his friend, and take care of himself, I just can't seem to shake the fact that I was still the first thing to go.
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