Looking at the past... forget that

I was thinking today about the men that have graced my path. The first serious boyfriend I ever had turned out to be an absolute ass that was only after sex and now has a child and wife at the ripe old age of 22. The second serious boyfriend, deemed "the Ex," has done much for himself in terms of material things. He has gotten a new car, new clothes, new camera and Lord knows what else, but hes still the same. He still has his head in the clouds and flits around pretty absent minded about things. He's a dreamer, which is a beautiful thing, but at some point or other, you at least have to make some sort of life plan. I think he is on a path now that is good for him, provides him structure, but still, he has careless attributes to him. Then India. He doesn't want to speak to me anymore. Altough this hurts at the moment because I am still slightly immature, I know that its not that big of a deal. He leaves Baltimore in a week or so and I am looking forward to it. I just want his negativity to be out of my life. I am sad that I wasn't strong enough to push him out on my own, but boredom and loneliness can be two very strong vices.

But why look back on these guys? As I described above, none of them were really worth the time, emotion, and love invested in them. First serious boyfriend was an idiot and knocked up his girlfriend causing him to have to be married at a young age. The Ex is 25 and basically lives a hippy mentality life (not knocking it, just not for me when I think of a husband), and India is such a child he can't even manage being an actual friend to me. He'll probably live with his parents until they decide who he should marry and he decides, "yeah, why not shes nice and hot." Children... all of them. so whats the point of dwelling on the past when really I would like to look ahead.

The point is that the past is what helps shape who we are in the future. I have obviously demonstrated some poor judgements. The men I have let closest to me have never really been worth my time. Boredom and loneliness can't drive your life decisions, neither can infatuation or lust. I suppose we all have to go through these trial runs, thats what the slogan "live and learn" stands for afterall. But keep in mind, you shouldn't dwell on the past. Learn from it, realize your mistakes, and move on. If a man doesn't want to speak to you any more, its his lost. No matter what, you are beautiful. Look forward to the wonders ahead of you and always appreciate the present.